We Four in Egypt

Now back in the US!

New York Mag on adoption

A current article in New York magazine poses the irksome question, “Do parents really love adopted children differently than their own offspring?”

The article itself, though, is quite interesting and focuses on New York families with kids from Ethiopia. The author says what we already know in our household, that our adoption (by choice) confuses people, who come up with possible explanations: that we have “a martyr complex,” are “crazy,” or our kids were “vanity purchases.”

Friends, if this is what you think of us, thank you for never ever saying so.


16 August 2007 - Posted by | adoption, ethiopia, in the news


  1. All right… I haven’t read the whole article. So I am not responding to it. This comment may be out of order. However, I wonder if different loves are really so bad? As an adoptee I hope that you would love me. But what that means to me , as adoptee, may not be the same sort of love that you received as a child, or if it is, then I hope your love includes knowledge about the adoptee’s particular and unique situation and losses.

    There may be room for a different love, I don’t know for sure. There is certainly room for different smarts… and different learning.

    Comment by Mark Diebel | 17 August 2007

  2. Mark, sure, there are different kinds of love. What makes the question irksome is that the implicit assumption is that parents love adopted kids less than they love their birth children. Not that the author argues this, but the author does address this.

    My two children were both adopted, so I can’t speak to the issue of love being different because of a how a person came into your family.

    In regards to what you said about what love means to my children, as adoptees: I think they deserve every ounce of love I can give them, and really more than that, because of the particular losses they have suffered. I can’t ever compensate for those losses, though.

    Anyway, take a gander through that article if you like, as I’d be interested to hear your thoughts. Thanks for commenting.

    Comment by egypt4 | 17 August 2007

  3. Love is love. I honestly think that we all love in our own ways and with whatever skills we have to share it. Does a parent who isn’t comfortable showing affection love his children less then a parent who hugs, holds and cuddles their adopted child? Tricky business, this line-drawing of who loves who more…

    I personally believe that your love for your sons is just as strong and as beautiful as the love I feel for my children, and adoption has nothing to do with anything – except maybe how are children came to be with us.
    That’s my two cents! 🙂

    Comment by robin | 17 August 2007

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