No more JFK anxiety

My very smart mother informed me that the boys and I will be arriving into and departing from the very same terminal at JFK. How on earth did she discover this? She looked at my itinerary. Go figure.

Last night I gathered up most of the clothes for the boys for this summer. I know we’ll be buying things there, and I didn’t want to overpack, but I also don’t want to be stuck doing laundry every few days either. I’ve also heard from a few friends and colleagues that it’s easy to spend way too much money in a few short weeks on home leave. Expats often go on summer spending sprees, so expat kids get the sense that the US is all about shopping. While this is true for many Americans, I don’t want my boys to think this. Giggle already loves shopping too much. And me too.

Giggle kid is growing so fast though — last summer he was a perfect 4T, swimming in 5T. Now his 5T pants are almost too short, and I’m thinking I need to buy ahead in size 6 and (gulp) size 7 to get him through the next year. Bug is growing out of some of his 3T things, but at least he has some hand-me-downs from Giggle (which he likes, because he’s seen his brother wearing this stuff, which apparently makes it cooler).

Clothes are going from Giggle to Bug so quickly that I’m the only one in the house who seems to know who fits into what. To his credit, Mr. Four did convince the boys that growing is fun, and so they are much better about letting go emotionally of favorite clothes that no longer fit. Bug likes to talk about how we’ll give their old clothes to other kids who need them (usually the neighborhood bowab’s kids or to our nanny for a refugee friend with a small boy).

The fact that we’re about to box up everything and move makes it easier to purge. For me too. I’ve passed to the housekeeper and her roommate some clothes of mine that just don’t (ahem) fit like they used to.

Today I’m also packing up my office at work, as it’ll be in a different place when I get back in August. So I best get to that.

Off to Croatia

On Sunday, I leave for six days in Croatia for… work! I have a professional meeting there. Here are two great things about this meeting: 1) It’s in Croatia, and, 2) Some friends and colleagues from my beloved alma mater will also be there.

The more I learn about Croatia’s coast on the Adriatic, the more I wished Mr. Four and I had decided to make this a family vacation. The airfare is expensive (mine is covered by work), though, and, at the time of booking, before Mr. Four had his job, we didn’t think we could swing it.

And, especially surprising given that Croatia isn’t really all that far from here, it’s quite a schlep to get there: my travels on Sunday will include four cities, three countries, and three airlines. I fly Cairo to Vienna to Zagreb to Dubrovnik. My layover in Vienna is long enough to be long but too short to zip into town and see anything, unfortunately.

I read once some silly thing like “you know you’re an expat when … you have at least three currencies in your wallet.” That’ll certainly be the case next week: I’ll have my Egyptian pounds for home, Croatian kuna, American dollars to convert (my per diem from my employer), and maybe a few euros so I can buy a snack in Vienna.

The conference is long — Monday to Friday — and I know I’ll miss Mr. Four and the boys. But what an amazing opportunity for me. And of course it is easier to be a tourist without kids. And I’m really looking forward to seeing my friends, especially one in particular, my old supervisor and a dear friend. Plus she’s bringing me treats from the US: magazines and swimmer’s shampoo!

We have a busy few weeks when I get back: my wonderful college-aged cousin is coming for two weeks (the first family to visit!), and we leave on June 21 for the States. We talked to my mom last night, to wish her a happy birthday (the boys sang “Happy Birthday” in English, my idea, and in Arabic, their idea). The night before, the boys talked to their Grandpop, Mr. Four’s dad. Now they are both ready to hop on that plane and see all these relatives. Me too.

But first, Croatia. This is one of these times when I feel like the luckiest girl in the whole world. I’ll try to post once or twice from there. Otherwise, see you in a week!

Why are we here?

An anonymous Canadian asked me a question:

I have 2 ask..why r u in Egypt? I’ve read ur blog occassionally and for the most part, you don’t really enjoy or fit in with the culture or the predominant religion, Islam.

Why would you stay somewhere that you consider somewhat racist? You spend most of the time with expats. It doesn’t make much sense.

Seems like a fair question, though I’m intrigued by this notion that you should only live places you love, and immediately leave places you find you don’t love. Because how would we know how we’d really feel about living in Egypt until we moved here?

Now here’s the long-winded answer.

What brought us to Egypt was Africa, a real passion for learning more about this gigantic continent with the possibility of traveling to sub-Saharan Africa and especially Ethiopia and other parts of East Africa, which are not all that far away. And where both my kids were born. We brought them from Ethiopia to the US, and they inspired us to come back this way.

What brought us here was a desire for our kids to feel at home in the world, to think of the world not from an exclusively American perspective but one informed by life beyond the States.

What brought us here was a sense of adventure, of wanting to live and work outside of the US.

And what brought us here was an interesting career opportunity for me (the boring part).

All these things have worked out great. I’m fully immersed in the Middle East, of course, but also in Africa, and I have more opportunities to learn about and understand this continent than I ever would in the US. On a daily basis, I see and interact with Africans from all over the continent, not just Egypt but also Sudan, Ethiopia, and other countries.

And the boys, I think, have really benefited, young as they are. Their school is incredibly international, and they are learning a lot about the world. Their classmates are Egyptian, Italian, American, Moroccan, Japanese, Ghanaian, and… the list goes on.

And right now we are here because I have a two year contract. And, actually, I really enjoy my job, which I don’t write about because it’s not good blog fodder, and Mr. Four enjoys his lifestyle too. We can afford for him not to work (a luxury in the US for people in our income bracket), and we can afford household help (an even more amazing luxury). My work schedule here is about 35 hours/week, and I have generous holiday time in addition to six weeks of annual leave. I have so much more time with my kids here; it’ll be hard to go back to the US for this reason alone. Life is easy and good.

We have faced some challenges we didn’t expect. I was warned about racism in Egypt, but coming from the US (with its own problems with racism, you might have heard), it was hard to understand how that would play out for our family. It’s been a disappointment. I also didn’t realize how utterly confusing our family would be to many Egyptians (though I hasten to add there are plenty here who do get us).

Despite occasional angst, the problems, we’ve decided, don’t merit breaking my contract, which would likely cost us lots of money in moving expenses back to the US, as well as major professional issues for me. And the longer we’re here, the more we like.

Lots of people live in places they don’t love for very mundane reasons. And, there are many, many Cairenes who don’t love Cairo at all. In fact, many Egyptians here apologize for Cairo! As if some of the problems of living here are their fault individually. My concerns about Cairo are voiced by many others, Egyptians and expats. And there are plenty of expats who are only here for the money (and not just oil families). That’s not us by a long shot.

We do spend a lot of time with expats. As a friend observes, just like Egyptian immigrants to the US spend a lot of time with Egyptians and other Arabic-speakers. This is not an unusual phenomenon, to spend time with people who speak the same language and have the same culture. Our community here is American but also international, and the expat community is great. Despite all this, we have become friendly with some Egyptian families (including some who have invited us over for dinner this weekend), and I have some wonderful Egyptian colleagues at work. Mostly, though, we hang out as a family.

It’s a romantic and misguided notion to think that if you move to a new country, the locals will rush to befriend you. That doesn’t happen so much in places like Cairo, with something like 40,000 Americans and 100,000 expats.

It’s true that I don’t have a particular adoration for Egyptian or Arab culture (though I do find Arabic fascinating and I love Egyptian food). But I didn’t know any of this until I got here. I don’t have a particular interest in Islam, though it’s been great to learn about Islam from my Muslim friends and colleagues. I love, for example, hearing the call for prayer five times a day. I love seeing the Nile River on my afternoon commute, and, on rare clear days like today, the Great Pyramids in the distance.

Our reasons for moving here, and then staying, are complex. What is simple is this: moving here was a great decision, and I’m so glad we’re here.

How Egypt is not like Saudi Arabia

The Muslim world is diverse, and Egypt is not like any other country.

And it’s definitely not like Saudi Arabia, where, last week, an American woman was arrested for sitting near male colleagues in a Starbucks.

That is not Egypt. And this is just as horrifying to me as if I were in the US.

Also, Saudi Arabia has outlawed Valentine’s Day and, temporarily, the sale of all things red and heart-y. Not for its capitalization of love (which is indeed problematic), but because it’s sinful.

In the meantime, the local florists here in Egypt are overflowing with red flowers, ribbons, balloons, and saccharine messages.

A few blogs for your reading pleasure

Here are some blogs by other expats in Egypt, great reads for anyone interested in the expat life.

The Fugate Family
The lovely Fugates moved to Cairo when we did, last August, and their boys are friends with Bug and Giggle. Jenni is a fantastic writer.

Jack’s Cairo Chronicles
I don’t know Jack (har har), but he’s got some great photos of his travels around Egypt on his interesting blog.

Life with Maya
Some of our favorite folks in Cairo, Cindy blogs about her daughter, a charming little girl born in Ethiopia. We like to hang out together–four white adults and three brown kids–and really confuse people.

Tom and Betsy’s Blog
I just found this blog. This American couple lived in Egypt until they were victims of the Dahab bombing in April, 2006. The blog first focuses on their life in Egypt and then turns to sharing news of their recoveries. Apparently they are headed abroad again, this time to South America.

Cairo/Giza Daily Photo
Maryanne does what I wish I would do: she takes lots of photos of everyday life around Cairo. She’s lived in Egypt for years and understands this place way more than I do, and her photos are great.

Your questions about my clothes

Lenore (whose question got stuck in my spam filter–sorry, Lenore!) asked

Are you able to dress normally when traveling through the city or do you have to wear a scarf or other head covering? If you don’t, are there places where it is necessary? What about long sleeves?

Egypt is pretty liberal for the Middle East. I dress, mostly, like I did in the US, with a few exceptions. My skirts are longer, at least mid-calf. My sleeves are a bit longer; I wear short-sleeved blouses but never sleeveless. I do make sure to wear a tank top underneath any blouses that are even a tiny bit sheer. Capris are fine. Pants are fine.

The unofficial rules seem to differ in different parts of Cairo. My area of town is full of expats and here men (including Mr. Four) and women wear shorts. Women wear knee-length skirts and sleeveless tops.

And some parts of town are more conservative, like downtown and the part of town called Islamic Cairo. If I were to go there, I’d wear long sleeves and long pants or a long skirt.

Most Cairene women wear headscarves (covering their hair and neck but not their face), long sleeves, and long pants or skirts. However, there are many women, Christian of course but also Muslim, who don’t wear headscarves and who do dress in more western styles, with short sleeves, for example. The phenomenon of covering one’s hair is relatively new in Egypt. And many Egyptian women cover their hair and skin but otherwise wear very western fashions, including low rise jeans and snug, fitted tops. So the paradox is that while they seem conservative because of their headscarves, their clothing is not.

The only time I would cover my hair would be if I were to visit a mosque. Otherwise, there is no expectation that a woman would wear a headscarf for anything other than religious reasons. And many practicing Muslim women don’t either.

And this weekend, at the resort at the Sinai, we’ll dress like we would at any beach, in shorts and swimsuits. At resorts that cater to westerners, western styles rule.

More answers: on infidelity

Marc asked

Do people say anything to you on the street about being a foreigner? What is it like being an infidel in a Muslim country?

My world in Cairo is pretty small, and most days I’m either in my expat-friendly suburb or my expat-friendly part of downtown near work. Plus there are a lot of expats in Egypt, and it’s got a huge tourism industry, and Egyptians are used to seeing foreigners. So that might be why I don’t hear people calling me a foreigner. Or maybe they are, and I don’t recognize it because I don’t know the language. But Cairo is a pretty cosmopolitan place.

I’m sure people are talking about me on the metro, where I’m often the only (obvious) westerner on the car. Since I’m in the car with other women, I tend to smile and then go back to my book or listening to podcasts or whatever. Generally, I don’t hear comments addressed to me.

In regards to being an infidel (and, am I the only one who just made the etymological connection between infidel and infidelity?): while I’ve never been a non-infidel in Egypt, I can say it’s not been that big of a deal so far.

Egypt has a significant minority of Christians, mostly Copts, and Christianity is an officially recognized religion (as is Judaism, go figure). I’ve seen people wearing crosses openly, which is apparently not a problem. And yet another taxi driver this morning asked me if I was Christian, and said he was too (well, sorta too).

Really, it’s been very interesting to live in a Muslim country where Islam is practiced openly. It’s interesting to see men praying in a corner at work at work. It’s interesting to have my work schedule change because of Ramadan (and lovely to get holiday time for Muslim and Christian holidays).

Living here feels more like immersion in a new culture rather than in a new religion.

Your questions, answered: the expat community

Paige asked

I’d love to know how you’re integrating into the ex-pat community. What’s life like for the tots and Mr. Four? Any real regrets being away from the states?

And lisa seconded that.

First, I should say that my employer makes integrating into the expat community very easy. Many of their employees are Americans, and almost all speak English. And our pre-work orientation introduced me to a lot of the other new folks, including a handful with kids.

Plus, we live in an area of Cairo with lots of expats, near an international school that caters to expat Americans. Many people in this area speak English. So living in our neighborhood and working for my employer has made much of our transition and life here pretty breezy.

And since this is a transitional place (at least for the expats), lots of folks are also new and very friendly. Mr. Four in particular is connecting with other American folks in our neighborhood because he sees folks around town and because he’s a really nice guy. I am not so outgoing but I am connecting with a few folks at work.

We could be trying harder, but that’s not really our style. I would say that it has not been hard at all to find other Americans to hang out with. In fact, I dare say you could live an entire life here and interact, socially, only with other Americans (and perhaps their non-American spouses). That would be a lot less interesting, but certainly easy.

Marc at the Ferenge Addis blog had a great entry about how it can be easy, as an expat, to make acquaitances, but not necessarily deeper friendships. (Marc, please do provide a link if you know the post I mean.) I can vouch for the fact that acquaintanceships are easy to make; I’ll have to get back to you about the rest.

The boys seem to be doing well. The school here that they attend, an English language Montessori-type school, is great and really affordable. We pay $400/month for both of them to attend from 8am to 1pm each day (it’d only be $40 more each for a longer day). They’re making friends there, working on lots of art projects, doing interesting puzzles, singing songs, and learning some Arabic. They are happy to go every day (except for last week on the day we were leaving for the beach: Giggle wanted to stay home and leave right away!), and we’re pleased with how both of them are doing.

Their regular routine involves going to school til 1pm, then home for nap, and then playing at home in the afternoon, and then hanging out with all of us when I get home from work (sometimes as early as 4pm).

Mr. Four’s daily routine centers around getting the boys to and from school, making their lunches, and keeping the household running.

It’s hard to be a trailing spouse, and it’s particularly hard to be a trailing husband. I think this has been Mr. Four’s experience. He’s more adaptable than he gives himself credit for, but he really misses his old life. Especially now that his sports teams are doing so well.

I miss most our yard and ubiquitous public facilities, especially parks. I miss not being able to talk cheaply and regularly to my parents and friends. I wouldn’t call these regrets, though, but part of the deal.

We are a conspicuous family anywhere. But I miss being in the states where people at least get us (if they think about it for two seconds) and aren’t inclined to stare.

Is the real question should you move overseas? Absolutely, positively, definitely yes. This is an incredible experience we’ll carry with us forever. Already my world is so much bigger and my worldview broader. Already I feel richer (and not because of my salary!).